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Mental Health History Start

If you've read this website in the order presented, you know my work for God, an absence of recognition, a forced mental disability diagnosis, and my Prophetic name left out of some Bible translations.   In order to explore the cause from every angle, I should disclose that at nineteen years old I was forced into a ten day forced mental evaluation, which led to a ten week long voluntary psychiatric hospital stay in a private hospital, although after that I was cleared of mental illness.

That's where I was essentially cured of my adolescent delinquency.   Not by any treatment, but from a procedural mistake, in combination with God's arrival.   I was administered a medicine I'd never taken before, as a trial, and then immediately released to a field trip with about ten other patients.   I began to suffer a seizure, in a rare form, just after we'd all entered the cinema, and because of staffing requirements, the entire trip was canceled.

I was convulsing all over, as we loaded up for a return to the hospital a couple of miles away.   Once there, I was assisted up a set of stairs to my room, and injected with an antidote.   While waiting for the uncontrolled movement and excruciating pain to subside, I realized God was present in my thoughts for the first time in many years, and enjoying my pain.   I thought back on how far I had deviated from a life of respect for others, and a few years later when I started my written Prophecy, I was described as a 'great sinner' by God.   The prophetic reason given for my hospitalization was "homeless, and exposed to the cold."

I'm disclosing this because I now wonder if any of the other patients at the small hospital at that time were following a path to eliminate my Biblical identification, and I suspect two were the family of U.S. spies (FBI or Detectives), or another two I suspect were motivated by foreign interests.

After the seizure, the doctor put me on a medication recess, and then I started another in the same class, for about two weeks, because the psychiatrist wanted to "try it, to see if it changes anything."   After, he decided there was no change, and he told me he planned to release me.   During our last conversation, I told him I was planning to enlist, and he agreed in silence.

However, after a moment he added a gruff caveat, with self-doubt about his decision to release me homeless, "You have problems."   There was probably a reason he wasn't happy with me on the way out.   I had witnessed a dangerous spontaneous panic by the teenagers of one floor of the hospital dorm, when the common recreation room was being shared with adults.   I had repelled every romantic advance from several of the the female teenagers until then, but seeing that the hospital could have theoretically cost a life or two, I accepted one of the propositions.

Massachusetts Authoritarian Abuse

The night before that hospitalization, I slept in my Grandmother's empty unheated cottage for the night, and I think reporters were tipped that someone of affluent upbringing, or even a future Prophet was going homeless.   A photgrapher took a very intentional picture from a footbridge while I drove under, and the next day this contrived front page of the Boston Globe was published, connected to the cottage location and my hometown.

Years later, Plymouth Police action on White Horse Beach where the cottage is located, and where one alternate landmark rock of two in the town is found, led to my alleged disability.   Imagine my mindset, after receiving two dozen non-spiritual but grateful Senatorial responses to my first contacts, and then needing to put up with local police harassments.   I was stopped and asked for my identification three times, when the summer before I had canvassed the immediate area with my Prophecy basically as far as the eye can see, on Sundays.   They were influenced by this contrived newspaper's front page.    

The marquee rock at White Horse resembles a dead horse.   Did that build on the cult of Massachusetts's establishment of religion, for those policemen?   Massachusetts still swears-in the Governor, and State Police as "Christians" when only a melting pot of religions is national fidelity.   Are they creating an exit strategy from the U.S. Constitution?   Did Plymouth Police feel a pressure to compete with State Police?   Harvard University is also legislatively established as "Christian" by the current Massachusetts Constitution.

My grandparents had owned the cottage when first built, and I loved my neighbors from infancy, although seven years before the harassment, in my teens, my music was too loud, too often.   I tried to welcome newcomers, but not at the expense of a war heresy unique to Plymouth, which God described as 'she was a single dissenter'.   The second competing landmark is a rock rolled by indigenous people at the border of Kingston and North Plymouth, which some attribute to art, sport, or a monetary system.

Plymouth Police projected their illness, and I reacted with public protest.   Then they asked for court mandated psychiatric evaluations leading to my extended hospitalization twice.   A Judge was so intimidated or convinced by them at one point he asked for a warrant of apprehension while I was already under an extended apprehension he initiated, and after I had been cleared by a special court (I initiated a Judicial Review for that).   The U.S. Constitution looks for national strength through a collage of beliefs in "God", without 'respect for any one religion.'

I wonder if former Harvard president Claudine Gay's gross lack of focus when trying to address the antisemitic problem at Harvard in 2023, to a U.S. Congressional inquiry (also MIT President Sally Kornbluth), was caused by factors like Massachusetts's Constitution, or the suppression of my 1987 and onward messianic warning to America against war.


Summer 2024 - Blue Hills Reservation, Quincy, Massachusetts
40 Minutes into the Skyline Trail

A Veteran...

I had my vision fitting Biblical description while in the U.S. Army, and I was actually thinking reluctantly during God's appointment, as I'd planned my future to be low-key after my mental health scare.   Despite my still holding crass traits from my upbringing, I'd started to make a big mark in the Army, although eventually I was discharged at the lowest rank, with less than two years of enlistment.

In a yearly two-mile running test of half of my battalion, I was the second fastest, but I lost to the only Sargent to participate, so I might have been the fastest for my classification.

I was invited to the U.S. Military Academy Preparatory School (USMAPS).   I was too old to officially qualify, but I reasoned maybe Westpoint needed an alternate, or made exceptions.   One of my Captains signed my application, but I never heard back.

Another time, I was asked to qualify on a grenade launcher, and I broke the giant cement target that stood for probably decades in half, as well as making all my other shots.

I also played on the quasi-Fort's soccer team in the civilian league, where my team won the championship, although they were all close games.   I can declare for myself I was the star defense player.

While on crutches and after appearing for a head count, I was recalled after hobbling up two flights of stairs in pain.   I refused the order, and ended up with a "General Discharge under Honorable Conditions" in December 1983.

In another year, I had shed every impulse to use my vulgar speech.

My Very Poor Health

Around 2015 was the first time I considered myself disabled.   As I said on the front page here, "I was told directly I would remain in a state mental hospital until I accepted Social Security support..." and, "... I reacted with public protest. Then they asked for court mandated psychiatric evaluations ..."   Obviously, from reading this website, I don't fit into the DSM-5 (diagnosis manual), but in my opinion, I now have a physical disability that does keep me from employment.

My fingers have gone through several stages since foreign matter, introduced into my right index finger at a very young age, when I checked the tension on my bicycle chain and ran the sprocket through the nail, began to dissolve.   At first, in the early '90s, at around age 30, I had a repeating blister on that finger and I began to have headaches.   They eventually became severe, and lasted about sixteen years.   Gradually, probably in 2000, I began to see blisters on
Can you see how the fingers need steroids very quickly? - Jesse Ateek
the other fingers.   The breakouts used to be on my fingertips palmside, but lactic acid cream and steroids now protect them, or the malady has changed course.  They now manifest themselves under my fingernails or around the cuticle.   At the beginning, I was instructed to soak my hands in the steroid by wearing latex or similar gloves over the ointment, when they got bad.  

In 2009 I was forced out of work shifts because my hands started to react severely to the dampness, exposures, and ammonia cleaners I needed to use in my Patient Care Assistant (PCA) work.

Maybe in 2004, I saw a little spot that looked like oil come out through my finger nail which had been the point of original contamination.   Then the headaches and the repeating blister began to disappear, but the other fingers remained very prone to blisters from all sorts of exposures.   My intuition tells me whatever chemical was stuck to the chain, and there were rumors of DDT use in the neighborhood, got in my nerves, moved up them, and traveled through the dorsal root ganglia to the other hand.   I have super sensitivities to many inconsistent triggers, one as simple as just getting my hands wet.   I live in a public housing apartment, and on weekends my neighbors naturally have guests.   I've had worse hand problems some weekends from the added number of people using the doors and buttons.

Lawsuit Against My Sister

After my 95% estrangement from my mother beginning in 1987 (unrelated to the Pheonix ad of my Prophecy of the same year, first public anywhere), she passed away in April of 2018.   My younger and only sister was named to be Executor of the Estate, and soon after my mother died, I asked my sister if I was "cut" from the Will, to which she answer "no."   In conversations that followed, she volunteered to send me reports from her lawyers, and discussed money I could expect, in numerous exchanges, for eleven months.   On July 8, 2018, trying to make financial plans, I wrote her, "If mom owned her Needham condo, and had a full mortgage on the Florida, I could see as low a figure as $200,000?"   Here's a snippet from her email reply of July 10, 2018, before she changed her mind, and had an attorney tell me in March of the next year.
Email Letter from Eileen Shapiro - 'Yes, maybe a reasonable number to expect'
Click here for the text above
I tried to find lawyers to help me, but all of them eventually declined (my mental diagnosis?).   A Lawyer of the Day or two in the courthouse casually threw out ideas for Complaints of Fruad and Promissory Estoppel.   I think the idea of a Fruad charge came from the false statement my sister made initially, that I wasn't "cut" from the W&T, while she was waiting for elevation to Executor, and a passion to make that illegal.   The W&T, without naming me, said both Non-omitted AND Omitted in one paragraph, which I feel should be inadmissable to a Court.   Without options, I pursued those two charges Pro Se, along with two others.   I lost my first Probate court suit, "...with Prejudice." on all counts, which I don't understand.

Using the time limits exemptions from the court closures, I later filed for Negligent Infliction of Emotional Distress in my local Superior court, but my sister's attorney was allowed to describe my sister's actions as my mother's fault.   WHAT?!?!   I was distressed and didn't think I had to Answer, understandable from the wording of the .gov legal explanation, but the case was closed.

Along the path to my filings (there were others as well), I used the Boston Bar to obtain a consultation, and the Attorney told me on my way out, 'your sister might be held liable if she gives you money.'   Hmmm, that sounds suspiciously like a cult (taking a name out of the Old Testament).

Early Years...

My first two years of life I lived in Boston, on the Marathon route, across from a landmark park and ice skating rink.   When my mother had my sister, we moved to Needham, an affluent suburb, where I remained through high school.   I floundered very badly as I neared graduation, actually quitting school my junior year, but returning the next semester.   At that point I went to live with my father.

After struggling for many months that followed my one year late graduation, I joined the Army, although I considered the Air Force as well.   I was living in my car, and for the day I was to take the test for enlistment, the recruiters suggested I sleep in their parking lot.   They woke me up that morning, and got me to the test on time.

Shortly after I was discharged, I applied and then attended UMass - Amherst, graduating early with a Bachelor's in Journalism and Communications.


Poems



Sandwalk


By Jesse Ateek

The sand at my feet is telling a story,
A single grain is making the plot clear,
As I look to my feet,
I feel the earth's fear,
As I look through the mist,
The coming of a brand new day,
But due to effects of pollution,
My sight quickly falls away.

I feel the moonlight's warming,
But only stars shimmer in,
Because of the ecology I've unnerved,
I'll call breathing a win.

There's no true reality,
To the miserable plans laid,
If it wasn't for living lousy,
I'd be feeling only pain.

I hear the birds crying out,
Through the foaming of the surf,
Conscience wails into my heart,
And I see my death deserved.

Heaven's gate lies near,
Thinking to jump into gear,
At the very end of despair,
A saving angel appears.

Although the offer is attractive,
Earth's work will remain here,
Our glory can wait awhile,
Until the day without nature's tears.

© U.S. 1991, 1994, 1995, 2019, All rights reserved.



My poetry can now be seen at www.Patreon.com



Faced Front


By Jesse Ateek

The roof wasn't seen by a farrier for forty years,
Scraps of tar fell at a glance,
The team garbed themselves with pitch-forks and shovels,
Hygienic foot soldiers of the stripping lance.

Shot up to the highest peak,
Booted footing was chance and take,
To a startling view of the sunrise,
Collected the shingles with a rake.

Walking up with the steam of coffee,
Put me back in bed with my lady,
My daydream dressed her inside the shell,
But my refocus strengthened care for a baby.

Braced the frame in cedar,
Crows came to approve with their caw,
Ruins had owned the landscape,
Until we renewed to make crunched raw.

Faced front to the man-made cover,
I took a breath of crisp fresh air,
Repaired the storm proof ceiling,
Protecting our worlds with care.

© 1991, 1994, 1995, All rights reserved.




Tallest Mirror


By Jesse Ateek

The poets sat very upright,
Despite their lack of singing talent,
I stood up, and read strong and loud,
I'll call my oration clear and valiant.

The tallest poetess was in diamond,
She had the largest mirror on her chest,
The gates of her soul never got to my seat,
She shut them to realities test.

Hand painted to look like people,
They were amazingly dull,
Every mirror effect under a steeple.

They were as diverse as the sixties,
One robot wore clothes from a hippie,
Another looked like a politician,
A criminal with his paint dripping.

They were so layered in color,
My words didn't penetrate past,
I spoke about valor and faith,
They stared at me and laughed.
I started for home dejected,
But I wasn't completely lifeless,
The politicians had turned to black magic,
But that was the sixties crisis.
I decided to reinvent life,
I collected my friends the mechanics,
They knew about satanic politicians,
Burying their culture wasn't a panic.

Our upbringing wasn't automated,
Before the loss of freedom,
The nation of faith was operational,
Then a devil got temporary redeeming.

We hadn't marched since the sixties,
Our hands grasped picket signs anew,
They screamed louder than any cutting diamond,
Unresigned to the government pew.

© 1991, 1994, 1995, 2019, All rights reserved.




First Attempt for publicity placed in the Boston Pheonix in late 1987Boston Pheonix advertisement of 1987.  The first public attempt for publicity.*I should have said, ''...spirit of urgency...''


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After the Military - Mini-timeline

After my discharge I went to UMass and graduated with a Bachelor's in Journalism.   Immediately after I started publicizing against war, and got stuck near Cape Cod without work for years.   During that time I wrote creative material, and got arrested at least seven times standing for what I believe in.  No arrests for fights, but false testimonies, false arrest, etc., never leading to any convictions.  The chants against Plymouth Police, I started in response to mistreatments, weren't accepted as true prophecy by enough of the courts, press, government, etc., to prevent my commitment to a mental hospital.  Three officers on separate occasions had pretended not to know me after my canvas of about 500 homes in the immediate area two years before, a strong newspaper ad in The Boston Pheonix, campaigns at local colleges, a solicitation permit in Miami Beach, and more.  My poverty level was legislated as prohibited from release, and therefore I was persuaded to accept disability money.

I took some of my first retroactive payment, and went to Israel until my money ran out.


My Early School Years

I spent all my schooling in Needham from Kindergarten through High School.   My town had some hidden dirt-bike tracks and I got my first motorcycle, a 50cc, at about age fourteen.   Earlier, I lived next door to a veterinarian, and was brought to his office as his 'junior assistant' during school vacations a couple of times.

I should probably note I had several pervasive nicknames at the time; Piglet, McSpeed, and Animal.   Piglet was my earliest, bestowed on me by someone I'd known since grade school, because of my pot belly at the time.   McSpeed was in high school, probably from my owning a motorcycle, and had a few rhymes paralleling "... I smell the blood of an Englishman."   McSpeed also morphed to Micky, or MickySpee, depending on whom was addressing me.   Animal was used at the union warehouse job I got in the later years of high school.   I think that was from a combination of walking high in the pallet racks, running machinery well, and my extra-curricular party activities.

My parents divorced when I was about fifteen, and I rebelled ferociously.   Nearly my first act was to get a puppy, which unfortunately I didn't train.   I'd become friends with the family of a big award-winning kennel, so I ended up bringing her to boarding school there.   First, I learned everything she learned separately, and then together.   I ended up with a great dog, and a life-long skill.

I also began working very early, at the expense of my studies, in restaurants and machine shops mostly.   I was hired for my first job when I was fifteen because employers could hire a teenager before actual legal age to work, if they were only training.   That was a restaurant job at Papa Gino's in the next town, but I hadn't thought about my lack of reliable transportation, and I remember walking home in the snow on a school night after working until 10:00pm.   I doubt I got to school the next day, since my pattern was to skip school for the slightest reason.   I worked there about six months, and then took the summer off, and partied epically in White Horse Beach, Plymouth, MA, where my grandmother had abandoned a cottage.

The fall of after, in 1978, I had another after school job at Lum's, a restaurant chain known for serving beers in frosted mugs, where I mostly operated the fryolator.

In 1979 I worked three significant jobs.   I quit school in the 1979-80 school year, for half the year, I guess in the first half.   One of those jobs was at a clothing distribution center, mostly sealing large boxes of women's dresses.   I also have a 1979 W2 from the Carquest distributor of the area, I'm guessing from the summer, and that was near my father's, where I'd started to live.   My third job, was while I'm sure I was back in school, in a fairly large bread and butter machine shop.

In 1980, I had a job at another smaller machine shop, specializing in building their own pneumatic tools for pipe prepping, and custom valve assemblies, sometimes with diameters of 10" and 12".   The second machine shop was leaps and bounds more educational than the the first, where I'd worked hum drum, simple assignments.

Later in 1980, I found a union job of half shifts in the evenings, at a very large hardware distributor.   I moved up in pay scale quickly there, getting a raise for driving heavier equipment, and a second for being designated a work leader.   I was a good worker in the early months, and a poor one when I reached graduation a year late, because of my deep lack of sense of purpose.

I'll reveal one of my "evils" (as my Prophecy describes me at that time), which I committed while at that job.   Management started announcing that certain items were being stolen at a high rate, especially one type of item.   I'd seen much too much stealing taking place out of the corners of my eyes, but never participated.   Later, they repeatedly announced that section of targeted items had been locked, so much so that my curiosity was aroused.   I went to the shelves where that item were locked, and looked in, and thought the item was still accessible.   Again curious, I began to pull out the item from between the locked plywood doors, and it did pull out.   Instead of reporting what I'd found, I later stuffed it under my jacket, and stole it.   The value of the item at that time was about $55.   I'm ashamed of my action to this day.



Two Lofty Goals

The first, is to return the U.S. to the ideals our founders tried to instill about God.  The dominant political parties have again outlived their viability.  They must be dissolved, or reorganized and renamed, to bury the atrocious shame they've brought on us.

My second goal is to change my religion, described in Isaiah as a 'branch'.   Here is my very preliminary proposal on another website of mine, opening a new window, at jeshurun.co.il.

Links of interest...


Governing.com - ACLU Criticizes Gov. Pritzker’s New Bill That Targets Doxxing

Haaretz.com - Jerusalem family finds 2,000-year old mikveh underneath living room.

Governing.com - In a First, House Votes to Stop Federal Meddling in Medical Marijuana

Governing.com - Mentally Ill and Still Without Health Insurance

Governing.com - Study Shows Impact of Cutting Planned Parenthood Funding

An Israeli (cardboard) Bicycle That Could Change the World

CQ - A Conventional Approach to Amending the Constitution

Los Angeles Times - Congress quietly ends federal government's ban on medical marijuana

Forbes.com - A Global Epidemic Of Senseless Energy Policy    (Under a different title inside)

My UMass-Amherst Rabbi - Filled in on holidays because we were between full time Rabbis.

Forbes.com - Missing the Point on July 4: The Right to Vote Was Not The Main Achievement in 1776 - The author doesn't think we've lost our rights, but he lists three ideals he considers more basic than voting.



Lighter Stuff

Please join www.twitch.tv/msgjesse.
I intend to be playing Minecraft, or IRL Just Chatting, and always looking for partners or new ideas.


Minecraft Waterfall House - My first 1.8 game played, now on a server. Minecraft Waterfall House
I went on a walkabout to find a horse after finding two saddles in an abandoned mine, got lost too far south, and found this area. After getting home, I chopped down a long twisty dirt road and got back here with a horse in about a month. What you can't see is the two other waterfalls facing the other direction, and a fourth around the corner to the left. I'd never played PC games until I discovered Minecraft in Fall 2014. Even though this house is very simple, I like the way it fits with the surroundings. There's a Nether Portal in the open basement I can take a horse or mule into, to get back to the farms.


Computer Modding

A pictorial presentation on my Antec 302
computer case modding.
Antec 302


Antec 300
computer case modding.
Antec 300





My Videos






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Click here for a behind the scenes explanation.








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Jesse Ateek   © U.S. 2024
Permission to copy for private, non-commercial, and educational purposes,
is granted on condition credit is given to the author and newpray.com.


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